I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
