Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
