the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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