its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
