I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
