I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
