Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
