I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
this boner is exhausting
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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