There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
