Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
