Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
