508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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