these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
