I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
