He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
