I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
