Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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