someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
