The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
