are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
