my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
