How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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