so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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