mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
