Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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