I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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