We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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