You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
