He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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