All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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