I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
