Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
