So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We have started to decorate penises.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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