tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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