I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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