It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
