my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
