Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
her vagine was all disorganized.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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