did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
