a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
