Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
