Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
