The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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