My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
