Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
