Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
