Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
