my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
