I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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