No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
