This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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