bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
