3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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