The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
They have beer where we have blood.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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